Updated: Feb 5
When people ask me that, I think it sounds scary and aggressive.
If you ask my friends and family, those are the last words that would describe me.
So what would be a good description that would still be a clear message? By talking to others, researching history and writing this blog, I hope to find some answers.
What do I feel when hearing the word feminist?
I feel rejection. Never wanting to generalise I can't speak for whole “MAN” kind.
But in the past I have definitely felt repulsion or rejection from men and women when I spoke about my feministic point of view. And that is simply not a nice experience.
I always try to at least hear everyones opinion on any subject, despite of the fact that I agree or not. We might always learn something right!
So why can’t people try and do that with this subject? I can’t say.
It might be the general wel known feminist events in history that may come of as aggressive.
So what does the word feminism mean?
So its equality, nothing more nothing less.
To me personally I wish equality for all humankind. Race, social status, financial status, gender are all equally important to me.
The reason why I focus on feminism is personal. As a girl I did not feel that I was being treated different from my two brothers. We all played with lego. I wore my older brothers clothes when he grew out of them and I felt extremely cool in his migthy duck basebal shirt.
Every now and then there would come a big bag of girls clothes from a neighbours cousin and then I could get my hands on some girly stuff.
My best friend was the boy next door who played with my barbies, as I played with his action man figures.
So at what point did I do feel the difference?
I can remember walking down the stairs in my underpants in the morning on a hot summer day. Some of my older brothers friends where in the house to play with him.
As soon as I got down, my mother rushed me back and told me that shouldn’t show myself like that. It was confusing to me. What was the difference between my brother and his friends? Why can they walk in only shorts and I can’t?
This was only the start of numerous conflicts with me and my parents, family and later people from the village that I lived in. Don’t get me wrong I have an amazing loving bond with my family, but this was and still is a point of disagreements.
I probably was not the same as the other girls. I dressed loud, I spoke loud and if anyone wanted to criticise me, I would throw them a very sharp one back.
“ Maudy why did you cut your hair like this? Did you lose a bet?”
My response: "Oh pour thing! You are clearly not ready for this trend I’ll talk to you in three years when you have this haircut."
Or this one that happened dozens of times:
Dad: “Why would you not let your hair grow?
I would love to see you with a long blond ponytail.”
Me: “Why would you not let your hair grow?
I would love to see you with a long blond ponytail too!”
and of course the general ones:
Sit like a lady!
Dress like a lady!
Eat like a lady!
Act like a lady!
The more comments I got the more alert my “disrespectradar” became.
I saw a lot of woman around me accepting negative situations that the men in their lives forced on them. Not where they only accepting of it. But they felt fully responsible to handle all the shit that was thrown at them by those men.
Again: “I am not generalizing all men.” These where just situations that got my attention.
As a final smack in the face, I was in an extremely toxic relationship where I became the same kind of woman that I just described.
How could this happen to me? I was always this outspoken crazy dressed woman. And now I got completely brainwashed just for a few hours of fake love every week…..ok a few hours when I was lucky..
I was totally off my game. I agreed to everything, just to not be rejected put down or ignored.
Part of this mentally poisoning agreement was:
- Feminist are aggressive loud bad women.
- Gay’s are mostly fake.
- Friends don’t want the best for you, so don’t waste your time on them.
- Love is doing everything your man asks of you.
- Love is doing even more for him.
- If I speak my mind I will be ignored for days.
- Don’t dress too naked.
- Don’t laugh with other men.
- Don’t do business with men all they want is sex.
- Don’t travel alone, or experience joyful moments without your partner.
- If you don’t give your partner sex when they want it you don’t love them.
Ok I better stop here before I scare you guys.
Yes you can guess… This total facade of bullshit could not last.
Wonder why I stayed for years in this situation?
It is a strategy of narcissists where they first slowly bring you down and then shape you to their mold. (This is a whole other blog subject.) From my personal side it was loyalty, not giving up and being too positive about bad situations.
This all made me realize.
"If this can happen to me it can happen to literally everyone."
So here I am free as a bird. Loving life without too many rules.
Now the question is…
What is my view honestly on equality between man and women."
As you can imagine, these experiences did not make me feel good.
Also did they give me a negative view on men in general. Totally not ok!
It took a long time to process this negativity out of my system.
A big help to me is knowing that you are not your thoughts.
In my life I see amazing men and women who totally value the women in their lives.
So I am not a big anti men screaming aggressive feminist.
At this point I am happy to say:
"I am a positivist!"
All my life I refuse to think the worst of situations.
Let’s keep hoping for the best and speak of what we do want and what we want more of.
To me the most important thing is to express how important and beautiful the female mind and body is. It should be celebrated, respected and equalised in worth compared to those of men.
And If I can get people, yes man and women, boys and girls, to celebrate this with me then my mission is completed.
So what’s next?
I want to find out the best ways to accomplish my mission. Through my art and beyond.
Every month I will be writing a blog about my findings.